this is a happy go lucky sort of song... i was having a really shitty day a couple of weeks ago, and it just made me kinda laugh when it came on. so enjoy :)

posted at 7:14 PM ~ comments (0)

so here's a personal story for you all to read: i went to a meeting today regarding weight loss. this has been a struggle for me my entire life. i have always been just above where i should actually be. the kids i grew up with nicknamed me "fatbutt" when i was 9. charming, i know. i started dieting in the 6th grade with slimfast. that was a joke. i was constantly teased in school about it. they'd sing "it's carrie d and the weight watchers" or "it's carrie d and the slim fasters" as if i were trying to be a professional rapper. so i gave that up, and had a growth spurt (my last one :) ) and lost a little bit to where i was "normal". that was at the end of seventh grade. from eighth grade all the way through high school, i continued to gain weight. i gained about 40-50 pounds during that period... so i decided eating was my problem. so i stopped. i started starving myself so that by the time i was a sophomore in college, i was pretty thin. the sad part about that, is that everyone praised me endlessly about how good i looked since i lost all of my weight. everytime i met someone who i hadn't seen in a year, they wouldn't recognize me, and then would rave about how good i looked. it made me feel great, but pretty soon i started to eat like a normal person again, and then some. so here i am, four years later, and pretty heavy. so over the past couple of months, i've started to actually look at what it is that has kept me overweight for so long, and do something about it. this must be a weird part in my life, because over the past couple of months, a lot of things have gone through major change. things have started to calm down, so i figured i should work on the primary thing that has bothered me throughout my entire life. it's hard to talk to people about it, who have never had a weight problem, or who have just recently (and by recently i mean over the past year or so) started to gain too much weight. it's different when you have never liked the way you looked, and have been constantly teased/harrassed/embarrassed by your peers about your weight. the only pictures i have of myself where i wasn't too heavy, were as a result of me starving myself. so i don't like to look at myself postively then... it wasn't a good time. plus it was such a short time, that it didn't really have as much of an effect as being heavy for my entire life has. no matter how many times someone tells you that you look great, in the back of my mind there is always the taunts of "fatbutt" or "you've got big legs" or "you've got a big tummy" or "she's fat" running around. so there it is. my big shpeel on being overweight. man, this was a long entry, but it probably needed to be said. it's something i deal with everyday. but today i went to a meeting, and took the first step to finally understanding how to be healthy. it's going to be a long, long time before i reach my ultimate goal... so i'm preparing to go the distance. it'll be rough... but at least i'm trying :)

posted at 5:20 PM ~ comments (0)